Anyone else judge a place by its hand dryers?
This week I’ve found a long lost brother (srsly like ten years have almost passed), had another brother came out of hospital from a horrific car accident, packed up my life into boxes because I’ve accepted a job in READING, (referring to the place, my job isn’t to read), packed for, and left fiancé man in Leeds!!!! Oh and got more angry than I think I’ve ever been because my ex employers won’t give me most of the money they owe me, and were very RUDE about it. So I’m not sure how I’m going to scrape by til pay day.
In other news I have an essay due on Monday which might not get done because
Depression is humiliating. It turns intelligent, kind people into zombies who can’t wash a dish or change their socks. It affects the ability to think clearly, to feel anything, to ascribe value to your children, your lifelong passions, your relative good fortune. It scoops out your normal healthy ability to cope with bad days and bad news, and replaces it with an unrecognizable sludge that finds no pleasure, no delight, no point in anything outside of bed. You alienate your friends because you can’t comport yourself socially, you risk your job because you can’t concentrate, you live in moderate squalor because you have no energy to stand up, let alone take out the garbage. You become pathetic and you know it. And you have no capacity to stop the downward plunge. You have no perspective, no emotional reserves, no faith that it will get better. So you feel guilty and ashamed of your inability to deal with life like a regular human, which exacerbates the depression and the isolation.
Depression is humiliating.
If you’ve never been depressed, thank your lucky stars and back off the folks who take a pill so they can make eye contact with the grocery store cashier. No one on earth would choose the nightmare of depression over an averagely turbulent normal life.
It’s not an incapacity to cope with day to day living in the modern world. It’s an incapacity to function. At all. If you and your loved ones have been spared, every blessing to you. If depression has taken root in you or your loved ones, every blessing to you, too.
Depression is humiliating.
No one chooses it. No one deserves it. It runs in families, it ruins families. You cannot imagine what it takes to feign normalcy, to show up to work, to make a dentist appointment, to pay bills, to walk your dog, to return library books on time, to keep enough toilet paper on hand, when you are exerting most of your capacity on trying not to kill yourself. Depression is real. Just because you’ve never had it doesn’t make it imaginary. Compassion is also real. And a depressed person may cling desperately to it until they are out of the woods and they may remember your compassion for the rest of their lives as a force greater than their depression. Have a heart. Judge not lest ye be judged.
Love has found you. It’s not your actions, good or bad, that He loves, it’s just you. He likes your style, He loves your personality. He adores you, and you are a treasure to him. Pity those poor souls who can’t see the amazing things that God sees in you.
Everything in your life is shouting at you. The world around you is turned up to 11. Jesus is different though. In Matthew 12, there is a prophecy from Isaiah about Jesus that He wouldn’t raise His voice in the street. The most underrated skill in the world is the ability to get quiet, because that is what allows you to hear Him.
I’m home from the Way of Nor and the only thing I’ve missed is vegetables?
SO. this morning we went fishing after breakfast and I caught a mackerel then barbecued it ten ate it for lunch. I’m a lifelong veggie, but only because I don’t want to support horrible business and wasteful energy consumption. So I ate it and it was yummy. :) then later we went to a beach and I swam in the arctic sea! I’ve never swam in the sea before.
Lots of firsts. And the not firsts are so good! The most beautiful ferry ride to the island where we’re staying, making a fire every night in the house, sea fishing :-) this is the best holiday ever. Can’t wait to kayak and climb/hike around the mountains!